Uncertainty

There are not many things that are certain in life, death and taxes as they say. When we are very young it is your parents that provide you with certainty, or not, and as you get older it becomes up to you to provide that steady job, that steady home and that steady relationship. The future isn’t something you think too much about, preferring to occupy yourself with thoughts of holidays, nights out and perhaps that new car.

As I get older however, I am craving more certainty. I need to know if I will have enough money to be comfortable when I stop working. I want to know if I will be in good health and those I care for will be well looked after. Of course such knowledge is beyond me. The irony is that with every day I live, the likelihood of me living longer increases, yet the end of my life becomes more certain. 

Providing such certainty is hard as the world has too many variables. I have taken to try and plan my future yet it lies before me like a chessboard of what ifs and I am running out of pieces to play with before I must face the inevitable checkmate. Every decision I face seems to be final and I fear there is not enough road left to correct those I get wrong. Because of this I find myself pushing those I can further away in the vain hope of greater certainty. It remains elusive however. Can you hear the sound of cans kicked down the road?

Decisions are easy, living with the consequences less so. If you find me a little more hesitant, a little more reluctant, a little more reflective, then you will know why. As my hand hangs indecisively over the knight, all I ask is for some understanding and a bit more time.