Christmas mayhem

I take it all back, peace on earth and goodwill to all men, I don’t think so.  It’s hell out there.  The car parks are packed, the shops are packed and even public transport is packed.  If you don’t get to the shops before nine in the morning you’re going to be in trouble.  People are fighting over the chestnut stuffing and there’s blood on the floor.  Clean up in aisle five!

There’s panic on the streets of Newcastle, fear and loathing in the Metro Centre and people are running amok in Morpeth (the free parking has helped or has it made things worse).  Marks and Spencer has run out of turkey crowns and Morrison’s is down to its last few bags of pre-washed sprouts.  God help us if we would have to wash and peel the vegetables ourselves!   It’s a frenzy of spending even though I’m told we are in the middle of a period of austerity.  Even the menfolk have come out now to buy their gifts, you can see them gawping at the brightly lit shop windows without a clue what to do.

Shoppers are laden, car boots are packed with carrier bags, the garage is stacked with drink and the fridges and freezers are overflowing with more food than anyone could possibly eat.  And why all the fuss, why all the queuing and why all the argy-bargy?  Because the shops are going to be shut for a whole day, that’s why.   It is Christmas Day, mid-winter festival or Festivus, whatever you wish to call it, just over twenty four hours of retail restraint (though there will be a million people at work).  We’re going to open all those gifts that we’ve bought over the last few weeks, drink too much and eat what is little more than a Sunday lunch or two.  Add it all together with the sweets and mince pies and the nuts and crisps and you are looking at the best part of seven thousand calories each.

For one day our world will stutter and stammer, normal rhythms will be stalled. For one day we’ll stay with our families and try to be nice to each other.  We’ll laugh and joke and wish that everyday could be like this but by six o’clock on Boxing Day morning we’ll be queuing outside the shops to get our fix at the sales.

Season’s greetings everyone.