Look after your heart

You need to look after your heart, that piece of muscle that keeps the life force coursing through your arteries and veins and capillaries.  Without that comforting thump in your chest, without that pulse in your wrist or that green blip on the electrocardiograph you are not going to last long at all, perhaps just a matter of seconds.

You need to look after your heart, nurture it, care for it, treat it like a friend, a lover perhaps and make sure that it is in the best of working orders as you are going to rely on it through thick and thin, night and day, eighty times a minute until one day it is going to stop.  The thing is that you have no idea when that is going to be, twenty years time, early next year or perhaps even tomorrow?  What you can be absolutely certain of, however, is that your heart will beat a whole number of times.  It will be an integer (not a negative one), a real number a natural number and not a fraction or a decimal.  Your heart is not going to beat 0.7 of a beat or 3/16ths of a beat, it will be da-dum or nothing, silence, a flat line.

In your life your heart is going to beat three billion times, more for some and less for others.  But what if this number was more than just a whole number, what happens if it was a certain number, a fixed and absolute number?  It must be, your heart is going to beat a whole number and nothing more, not one beat more and not one beat less.  What happens then if at birth your heart is pre-programmed with a set number, coded into your DNA, 3,363,842743 for example?  What happens if there is an absolute cut off etched into the vehicle identification plate riveted to the back of your own device, written down in your design specification and ticked off on your own quality control sheet?  If this were true would you behave any differently?

If this were true you would probably stop and panic a little.  Your heart beat would race for a few seconds and you would feel the slightest of pain in your chest until you realise that you haven’t been counting and that you have no idea what number you have got up to.  But then it would dawn on you that it made no difference as you have no idea when the final beat is coming.  Is it this one, the next one or have you got millions yet to go?

Then you might think about all the time you had spent in the gym and all that time you had spent pounding the pavements, jogging along and raising your heartbeat to a hundred and forty, a hundred and sixty and getting into the red zone.  Was it all a waste of time?  Have you in fact been sloughing off your heartbeats at twice the normal rate, literally killing time?  Yes but you will say, those who exercise are more healthy and live longer or is it just that those who are disposed to jog have a higher pre-determined beat number anyway and those with a propensity for pies are already programmed for less?

Who knows but the question is: are you prepared to take the risk?  Will you quicken the rhythm in the hope you will live longer, or will you savour every precious beat that you will never get back, or is it all decided for you well in advance.  Anyway, I must stop now as you never know, this might be my last.

One thought on “Look after your heart

  1. I came found this a while ago and thought it was funny at the time :

    It’s a Q&A session with Doctor Cool

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100 per cent of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine — that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    For me I dont want to take the chance and like to run (although not at the moment)

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