The female kind

What is the proper way to address the female kind?  Lady is too condescending, woman is too demeaning and girl is too patronising.

Using the word lady conjures up images of idleness and boredom, sitting, sewing, drinking tea, painting watercolours, pressing flowers or playing the piano forte in a refined and accomplished way, like a character from a Chekov novel, a lady with a lapdog.  But not in a good way, in a way that debases.  You are a lady but in a sneering way that hints that it is not true and that you are not anything special at all.

Addressing someone as woman seems to suggest an inferiority, a subservience, a hierarchy, an acceptance that you are recognised but somehow lower down the pecking order only to be tolerated and not regarded as an equal. You’re like an old woman.  That’s woman’s work. 

How about the word girl?  Well that is obvious, it clearly implies immaturity, frivolity, playful tolerance but someone not to be taken too seriously.  A giggly girl dressed in pink and playing at serving imaginary cakes to her dolls all dressed up nicely and sitting at a small plastic table with a lacy tablecloth in her pink bedroom. 

Oh dear, what do I do?  After all, I’m just a man, a bloke, a lad, a boy, a gadgy, a chap and all of these seem to be quite positive words to me.  He was a top bloke, he acted like a man, he’s a bit of a lad or a cheeky chap.  It doesn’t seem to be the same for words that describe the female form.  Is there sexism even in the language that we use?

But it gets worse as some women want to be known as ladies and some ladies are happy to be called girls.  A woman can refer to her friends as girls but will not accept the same appellation form a male colleague as it’s all a bit too familiar, they are not in the club. 

Help!  It’s not simple, it’s not straight forward and there is no rule or algorithm to be applied.  Is there anyone out there who can help me work out how to address the female kind?  There must be some acceptable way.