Those Normans! What are they like? They come over here, mess us about, steal our women and act as if they own the place. They strut up and down the country setting up castles, making up laws, capturing data and the like. They then go and build this Romanesque cathedral on a piece of high real estate in the middle of Durham, only described as ‘one of the great architectural experiences of Europe’ and the greatest Norman building in England, perhaps even in Europe.
But what do they know about building? OK so it was started in 1093 and was completed within 40 years and is one of the few cathedrals to preserve its original design and it’s still standing but where was their forward planning? What were they thinking? They completely forgot to put in any ducts for fibre and cable runs and now it’s an impossible task to install broadband or access points. Typical!
As for the windows, there is a lot of glass about, most of it beautifully coloured but all far too high up on the walls to be of any use as an interactive touch screen display. It’s that old glass too, filled with bubbles and faults and not that edge to edge anti-glare stuff which is perfect and flat.
And then there are the walls themselves, 143 metres long from the Galilee Chapel at the west end to the Chapel of the Nine Altars at the east with the nave, quire and transepts all made from thick stone impenetrable to wireless signals making flooding it with WiFi no mean feat. You can’t even hang anything on the outside of the walls without a lifelong investigation and a myriad of forms to fill in.
The central tower looks to be promising though. At 66 metres high it is the tallest structure in the city and has line of sight for miles and would be ideal as a communications tower only some bright spark has put the kybosh on that idea by making the cathedral and the castle nearby a World Heritage Site probably because it was voted Britain’s best-loved building. You just can’t do anything with it.
Come on guys! Next time you’re building a cathedral put a bit of thought into the design phase and consider what technologies your customers might need in the next thousand years.
Thoughts from a Guerrilla Worker 